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kjwilson
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Name: Kelly
Birthday: 10/29/1967
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing, reading, crocheting, running around with my girls, good movies, swanky parties, music, and all those things I've yet to experience...
Expertise: Really I'm not much of an expert on anything, but I can talk intelligently (sometimes) about anything.
Occupation: Domestic Engineer and Sex Godd
Message: message meEmail: email me
MSN: kellywilson@sbcglobal.net
Yahoo:  kjwilson67
Member Since:
3/22/2005
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| Obviously, I've been away for a while. The whole Xanga set up looks different! I have been drawn into the instantaneousness of Facebook. How easily we are dubed. Replaceing heartfelt blogs for snippets of lines of our lives. Sometimes that's better because it gives a more real glimpse of my life....something I don't stop and think over too much. But, then there are these blogs where my mind gets reeling and a whole mash of deep thoughts pour out. I guess there is room for both.
My life has really been on a rollercoaster ride of late. Not the ups and downs of the happy/drepressing sort, but more of just a wild ride. My oldest daughter is now in college and I've just one daughter left to educate. And, even that is quickly coming to and end since she is already a freshman this year. I prepared myself adequately, I think, for their leaving. The letting go...the choices they must make on their own....all of the cutting the apron strings. But, I wasn't really prepared for MY adjustments. What the hell am I going to do now??
But, I've been working on that. I have made some friends who have introduced me to some ideas. Of course, sometimes it's just a matter of going out and having a good time with a bunch of friends. Something that homeschooling moms don't get to do much in the early years. I've been able to just settle into our city and see what Indy is really about. Remember that I only moved here about 4 years ago. It takes me a while to nest.
Yet, not all of my activites are just mindless play, if you want to call it that. I have a friend who has introduced me to ballroom dancing. Yes. Really. Now, please don't get caught up into the erroneous thinking that just because I teach one type of dance, I can do all things dance. It's just not true. There is no one I know that is proficient in all dances. There are just too many! So imagine my frustration when my friend insisted "oh you can do this!" and I indeed could not!
Now, true....my dance background has helped me pick up the steps easier. But, I'm a complete beginner. And imagine how I felt explaining what I do to the teacher as I was literally tripping over his feet. And, did I mention the said teacher was freakin HOT??!! Sigh.
Anyway....since my friend has been preparing for a competition, I have agreed to help him with some practice sessions, etc. Since I know nothing, it helps him to learn to be a strong lead, and quite honestly, I managed to follow! And, in the midst of it all, I've fallen in love!
I think that is really hit me as I got the information about my classes that I will be teaching this fall. I just wasn't excited about it. I see the same classes and the same styles as I've done for years. It ends up being creative babysitting. There isn't a goal of really teaching them dance and progressing on to more difficult steps. There just seems to be no commitment or real work ethic. My creativity is waning. I'm not excited to choreograph as I once was.
Then hubby started noticing how excited I was after I return from ballroom dancing. He mentioned that it's like after I finish a recital. A recital that it takes me all year to put together! And, I'm giddy after every night of dancing the waltz....or cha cha...or rumba....or...you get the idea. And, K. is a blast to dance with. He's stilll a beginner, but he's learning quickly and doing so well! It's a challenge. We both seem to groove on challenges, so we seem to be a very good partnership.
So, I'm toying with the idea of changing "careers"...if that's what you want to call it. I could actually teach this some day. And, it seems that ballroom never goes out of style. I get calls all the time of people wanting to take a lesson here or there. Weddings are always going to be, so people are going to want to dance well with their new brides.
So what if....???
I'm at least going to give it a whirl. It's probably going to shift my life a lot. But, dancing is dancing. My feet will still be moving...and maybe even a little lighter because of it. So...who knows. Keep your eyes on Dancing With The Stars!! LOL | | |
| I am sorry. For you true blue Xangans, I do deeply apologize. I am just too lazy to pass up the instantaneousness of Facebook. I have tried. I really did try to keep up with both, but the fact is...I just don't. It's not that I'm writing less. It's that my writing is more conversational. And, to be quite honest...most of you are on FB, too....so we are just fooling ourselves, right? LOL
I do like the format, though...of just a place to blog.
And, blog...I love that word. It's not like writing....it's not like journalling....it's just sort of throwing out there....like a canvas....BLOG!
So, I'm not saying I'll never come back to visit. I am sure I'll wander back this way on occasion. But, if you really do miss me....then....get a FB page and join the madness!! | | |
| What is it about this movie? I can't help it; when it's on, I have to watch. I wish I could say it's Richard Gere's stunning looks, but quite honestly....he doesn't do it for me. No, it's something about the whole movie...the concept.
Is it that we, as woman, feel we are in some ways less? "The hooker"?? One line that Julia says I believe is worthing noting; "People put you down long enough, you start to believe it." I know most of the women I've talked to...we all have those thoughts. We aren't beautiful enough...not really. We aren't smart enough. Or, maybe we just aren't enough. So, is it that this movie gives us hope? That one day we will truly become the gem that we really are deep down?
Or, is it just that we long for the knight in shining armor? Maybe we get so busy doing that we long to be completely swept off our feet. So taken by a man that he'd pay (ok, maybe that's pushing it) just to be with us. That even though we think ourselves the lowly hooker, he'd still chase us out the door to get us back. Maybe, guys, what it is that we want is a man with a backbone. Yes, Vivian liberates him, but he also takes charge. He wines and dines, but there is also confidence in who he is to her....that he will request and she will take those requests. I think because he starts out as her employer....and so he takes charge of her. Then, he does it because he wants to.
Guys, there is a part of those wicked women that want some backbone. We want you to take charge. Yes, we'll whine and complain, but in the end, just surprise me with tickets to the opera. I hate the opera, but who care. You did it and bought the dress for me and dolled me up and.....well. You get the idea.
So either way....this movie is worth taking a look at. Here it comes...."I want the fairy tale..." Don't we all? | | |
| People compare the weirdest things. I don't think they realize how they do it, but sometimes I want to punch something. Relationships and hurt are two that confuse me. Is there some reason why a relationship falls apart that it should be compared to any other relationship you have? I have heard people say to a divorcee, "well, at least, you've got your kids.". Like that makes the pain of a divorce any better? You still lost your spouse? Or if you lose a friend...."hey, you've got other friends..." Rejection hurts no matter how many other friends you have. At least, it does for me. I don't have friends to replace others that I DON'T have....or others I've lost.
Also, when ya hurt...instead of trying to empathize, I've noticed that people want to sort of blow it off by saying, "oh, you'll be fine. You're strong." I think this one REALLY bothers me. Because we seem to forget that strength can be weakened. I don't think that New Orleans was particularly "weak" but the storms of Katrina were too much for it to handle. Sometimes life is like that. And, often people who are "strong" get dubbed as strong enough to handle anything. While I know the saying "what doesn't break you, makes you stronger," I also know that there is always a breaking point.
Maybe this doesn't seem like comparison...but isn't it? We compare one thing to another by our responses. I have noticed that people in general don't listen much anymore. So, I think in order to quickly get out of that personal interaction when one party is hurting, we try to avoid tuning in by pointing out everything else in their life that should make them feel better. I get it....often times we DO let one little thing in our life dominate. But, when you add up a lot of little things.....ESPECIALLY if it's someone who we tag as 'strong'...then that little dismissal eventually eats away and weakens their resolve.
I'm not talking about someone who complains all the time about tiny things. They never seem to be happy so they wear on your nerves. No, I am talking about when we see someone who we think of as always on top of their life....and then they become vulnerable.
Ok, I got this a lot from my Mom. She often runs over me anyway; she's much more of an extrovert than I am, and she's my mother. I just can't stand up to her much. But, I've heard to say in my presence, without acknowledging me at all..."Oh, Kelly will be fine." Or, even just wave off whatever I'm facing as something "I'll get over." Hubby and I have talked about this some because we both have faced it. Relationships that have been broken are so very hard on me. I thrive on people, so when I get rejected...it doesn't matter how many I have, I still have a hole in my heart from that one. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the others. I will admit...it does sometime affect those because, like I said before....strength does weaken.
I've also been told when I'm in dispair that I need to be that strong one. This always puts added pressure on me. Because being strong is hard. I understand what they mean....I think....but when you are weak and feel vulnerable, what you need is something or someone to come along side of you so the two of you can join your weakenedness and BE stronger! But, again....I hear so much of "oh you think that's bad? Well,...blah blah blah..." and they proceed to tell you why their problems (or someone else's) are much worse and you have no right to be weak.
Feelings are funny things. You can't measure them the same as facts and physical things. They wane...they are unpredictable...and they are strong enough to undo the strongest of strong. Comparing one persons to another is crazy. Even comparing your own in one situation to another is nuts. They are sort of the gas that moves us. They push us to do the craziest things.....but that, then, becomes the fuel for overcoming. So when they are negative or down....they are still equally powerful. And, delicate. We need to reach out carefully and open ourselves up to really hearing and feeling with them. Sometimes there is nothing to really do to help them.....but to say, "oh but you've got this and this and this..." only reminds them that they are losing the power of their emotions, and therefore their own emotional strength. Everyone deals with their emotions differently. I didn't say it was easy.
Not really sure I made much sense...even to myself. But, anyway. There it is. | | |
| I typed it out once on Xanga and I just ain't doin it again! You'll have to go to FB or wait. | | |
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